Your Heart's Junk Room
In every house, there's that one room... You know the one. It's filled with junk and the door's always closed, because you can't stand to look at it.
There might even be old food in there.
And your solution is to close the door so you don't have to deal with it. You might even lock it, so that when company comes over, they can't peek in. And you do "fine" walking around your house, living in all the other rooms.
Until one day, someone convinces you to open that door.
"Man… all the potential… I could do so much!" they exclaim.
They could paint it.
They could build shelves.
They could even put stained glass on the window, so the sunrise is beautiful as it shines through.
All these promises… But first it needs to be cleaned. And that's a huge issue. They are not you. So they have no idea where the stuff in that one box goes, or if it's junk and should be thrown out. And they have no clue what the stuff in any of the boxes even means to you. And they certainly don't have the permission or the authority to just scrap shit on their own, or put shit where it doesn't belong (and if they do that to you, they are abusing the privilege of being invited in).
So, you realize, they can't make all those promises of what could be, true. Because they simply cannot get in there to do the work. Because it's not their work to do.
So, they leave, and you see all those promises of what could be leave with them, and that room just sits there, cluttered and messy.
You can only see all that could have been. And it hurts.
AND THIS IS THE BIG THING SO PAY ATTENTION:
Instead of getting to work cleaning it out,
You close the door.
And eventually, you forget (or, at least, get numb). And you do "fine" walking around your house with that door closed. And you meet another person and another and another, and you think "could this person do what the other person promised in that room?"
And mostly it's "no" but eventually, it's "maybe..."
So you show them the room, and the promises are made — only this time, bigger and even better, because you get to join in the conversation from last time.
but first… There's cleaning to do...
Until you clean that room out, you're stuck. There's no way to do any of that work anyone you meet promises until that room is handled. So you are going to have to do the hard work of opening that door all by yourself, walking in there all by yourself, and begin shuffling through all those long forgotten boxes full of long forgotten memories.
But here's where things get really interesting... Once that job is done (and it takes a while, trust me)... Suddenly, you realize YOU can paint that room. And YOU can build the shelves. And if you so choose, you could even make some stained glass to put in the window that faces the morning sun.
And the next person to visit can walk into that room and just enjoy being in there with you.
That's love, pretty much.
You might be looking for someone... Someone who gets it. Who gets YOU. And so you'll go on some dates, and some are good and some really good. And then there's that one person you liked so much, you go out with again, and again, and eventually end up in a relationship with.
And then, it ends. Like all relationships do. A day, a week, a month, a year... 14 years, 2 months, 27 days, 17 hours and 12 minutes (not that I was counting)...
You're going to be alone and sad and broken and you begin wondering, "what's wrong with me?" Right question, wrong reason for asking. You're asking because you think that you are broken and undesirable because these people come into and then subsequently go out of your life. You're asking "why can't I keep a mate?"
The real question you should be asking is, "Why do I feel I need one?"
You might be "fine" when you're single. Sure. True. You are able to survive. But when you date someone, you always end up broken and remorseful and wonder what's wrong with you.
Well, the truth is, there's nothing "wrong" with you. But there's definitely something going on that you need to address. You're not happy with yourself, and you need validation from someone else to feel worthy and happy.
They can't make you happy. They can only remind you of reasons to be happy. Even at their most charming and most witty and most thoughtful and most loving... They're not MAKING you happy, they're giving you reasons to remember why you are happy.
Happiness is not given, it's shared. Only YOU can make you happy.