You Are Who You Fight
I've been struggling. I have been working as hard as I am capable to keep up with even the bare minimal goals I put before myself. But I work, and I achieve as many as I can for the most part.
It's slow going. But I'm making progress. You get to read some of that progress here, on this blog. Or, sometimes on Facebook and Twitter. You get to read some of it in the foreword of my latest book. You get to take in as much as I put out there, and you do, and I thank you for it.
There's a lot more behind the scenes, as anyone can deduce who has been through hard times. And the other day, a complete asshole posited a question which threw me into a complete downward spiral. He said, "I don't understand -- you're going through what so many other guys including myself have been through. I know divorce is tough, but why can't you just get over it?"
I unloaded. And I shouldn't have. A few of you on Facebook saw it. It was raw, deep and revealed the other 70% of the stuff I've been facing that I haven't made public. It delved into details behind my divorce I shouldn't have gone into. And I'm sorry for that. Not that it hurt you in any way. Of course, you guys are mega supportive, and the folks who did read some of what I wrote emailed me directly to express support. And for that, I thank you again.
But it's not for you. It's not for public consumption. That was a mistake, and I shouldn't have done it.
My pain is my pain. I express what I do here and elsewhere when I do because it is therapeutic. But it's never for attention. I write what I write, how I write it, because it is my sincerest hope that those reading it will take something from it, whether it be an answer to a question they've been asking themselves, or advice that I've fought through the muck and the mire to be able to give, or simply a feeling of not being so goddamn alone in their struggle.
To burden people with raw pain is unfair. I never want to simply unload onto anyone else's shoulders. When I write, I try my very best to keep from "whining." I share. There's a difference. The other night, however, I whined. More than that, I decided to challenge an asshole to a duel of "Whose pain is greater?"
We both lost. Him, because he's just a fucking asshole. Me, because I lowered myself to a fucking asshole's level.
You are who you fight. So be careful what fights you decide to participate in. You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to.
All of that said, I really genuinely thank you all for your support.