Spoken Word - "The Worst STD"

Every Sunday I'm home, I do spoken word / slam / whatever poetry stuff at Java Monkey. It's always a great time, and people seem to like what I do.

I wrote this piece a while ago. I finally performed it tonight. I hope you enjoy it.

The piece:

She's kinda cute. And she's looking at me. I can get behind that.

...NO. No I can not.

It didn't go so well last time.
It probably won't go well this time.
...It probably could go well this time.
Okay, it could go well this time.
It's been a while. It's been a week, or two weeks, or a month... Or three months.
Fine. Why not.

..."How YOU doing?"


...God dammit.
The burning.
That old familiar sting.
I just got treated for that
But goddammit, I went and caught feelings again.
Next to babies, feelings are the worst sexually transmitted disease, and now I've got to deal with that shit again.

...I should text her.
NO NO NO, it was just the one night and it's okay, it's cool, there's no need to text her. No need to call her. I should call her. I should call her. I should text her.

I should sit the fuck down.

...I'm going to text her.
No answer.

I knew there would be no answer.
I knew it was just the one night.
I don't even know... Well, no, I know her name.
I have her number. I texted her.
I should call her.
I'm not going to call her.
I'm going to let this go.
I'm going to chill out. Watch a little football. I'm going to chill out.

I'm going to call her.
No answer.

It's been a day.
It's been a whole day, and no response.
But that's ok, because that's what that was, it's totally cool. Because that's what that was. And I know that's what that was, because that's what it was last time and OH MY GOD why won't she just fucking call?
She has to be busy or something, but she can't be busy, because I'M not busy, so she can't be busy.

It's been three days. And no response, and that's ok, because that's what that was supposed to be, because that's what that was because that's what it was last time. And that's totally fine.
Except I'm not okay with that.
Because I do not understand the one night stand.

I understand skin on skin.
I understand compassion.
I understand cuddling.
I understand talking and sharing moment after moment after moment before THAT moment.
And I understand sharing moment after moment after moment AFTER that moment.
And I understand 14 years of relationship,
And I understand 10 years of marriage,
And I understand I am a single man who never lived through his twenties as a single man.
So I don't understand this game, and I don't understand the rules.
So I need to stay off the field of play.

It's been a month... It's been two months... It's been three months.
I'm tired of the routine.
I'm tired of working on myself.
I'm tired of the gym. I'm tired of working. I'm tired of coming home.
I need to go somewhere that does not involve San Andreas.
I need to go out tonight.
I'm going to have a drink.
I'm gong to have a good time.
I just need a change of scenery.

This is nice.
This is great.
I like the game that's on TV and hey... She's kinda cute.
Another, bartender.
And another.

...It's just a conversation.
If she didn't want a conversation, she wouldn't be looking at me right now.
What the hell.

"...How YOU doin'?"