7.22.2013

Of COURSE I Still Believe In Love


It's natural to want to defend yourself once you've been hurt. You want to protect yourself from ever feeling that pain again. So defense mechanisms fire up. But I don't want to become imprisoned by walls I put up.

It's a really hard thing, not letting what I went through with my ex-wife jade me and make me hard and closed off from other people. But one thing that helps is remembering the fact that I've been hurt before.  Badly, in fact. By people who were supposed to be just as close to me as she was. And somehow, I still found the capacity to open myself to her. And I'll do it again. Maybe not right away, or even anytime soon... But I will.

Because regardless of what she did, or what anyone before her did, I know one thing: I believe in love. I believe in honor, respect, openness, faithfulness, wholeness of being and truth in the face of pain. And I cannot be the only one.

It's something I keep in the front of my brain: I'm not alone. I exist, and I believe these things. That makes at least one of us. And I hold it in my heart that there ARE other people like me. People who actually believe in love the way I do. People who know that it's scary to open your heart and your past to another person, and they do it anyway, because they have courage and conviction. They know, as I do, that it is better to face an uncomfortable truth than to live with a comfortable lie.

I like that about me. And I'm not going to change it. Just like I believe in the sun even when it's not shining, I believe in love. I might hurt again (and again, and a lot), but I'm not giving up. Because love -- real love -- is worth it.