Why The FUCK Are You Following @MiracleWhip On Twitter?!?

Seriously? 18,000+ of you follow @MiracleWhip on Twitter? You actually follow a condiment? On Twitter?


What the FUCK could they possibly say on Twitter that you don't already know by watching any given hour of television programming, where their commercials appear incessantly?

"We're so #Tangy!"

"#Spread us on your #meat!"

Come on. It's a goddamn condiment -- and not a very good one, either. The stuff tastes like whipped glue and salt. It's depressing enough to know that people eat that shit to begin with. But to think that they're so excited about the prospect of finding out what anyone affiliated with Miracle Whip has to say to the point of signing up for their alerts and feed? That scares me.

I mean, seriously -- it's a corporate shill account created to communicate the brand's identity to society at large vis a vis the dedicated brand-aware social networker whatever blah blah shut the fuck up. It's pseudo-mayo. It's yucky. And it's TALKING TO US ON TWITTER AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD LISTEN.

I think that The Oatmeal sums up my thoughts on Miracle Whip quite nicely:

Fucking Miracle Whip... Seriously.