4.13.2012

Some Thoughts On Smoking


  • I don't hate smokers. Just because you smoke doesn't mean I hate you. Two of my best friends in the world smoke cigarettes. But all of what I think, I think about them as well, and they're aware of it. They still love me anyway. After all, I've got my vices too. For instance, I am an asshole who has a big mouth. But I would never shove a stick filled with tar and cancer into it and light it on fire.
  • Smoking is the hallmark of a selfish, self-destructive person. I see someone smoking, and I automatically assume they care neither about themselves or the people around them. I know that deep down, they hate themselves and want to die. I find it sad, but my disgust outweighs my pity. 
  • Cigarette butts thrown from car windows are the leading cause of forest fires and, thus, fire related deaths in the world. So thanks for that.
  • Why does anyone start smoking? They stink. They turn your fingers and teeth yellow. The smoke infects clothing and hair and smells horrible. It generates waste (which, I know, YOU would never just toss on the ground, but somehow thousands of cigarette butts litter the ground just about everywhere you go), it causes cancer and emphysema, and it looks stupid.
  • If you begin smoking over the age of 21, you're a fucking idiot, or somewhere deep inside you, you want to punish yourself or die. There's too much information pushed out into the public for an adult to be ignorant of the effects.
  • If I ever have children, I'd much rather find weed in their room than a pack of cigarettes. Legality of a vice is irrelevant to me, it's what it does to you, and the facts prove that marijuana is far less harmful to the body than tobacco.
  • More than once, I've seen someone in a drive thru or parking lot toss a cigarette butt out their car window, gotten out of my car, picked it up, knocked on their window, and said "You dropped this" and handed it back to them. Because that shit is fucked up. The world is not your ashtray.
  • For the record, I'd much rather you dip or chew tobacco. At least your spittle doesn't automatically enter my mouth every time you expel it. If you find chewers' and dippers' spitting disgusting, you should see what it looks like when the lung cancer of a non-smoker who lives with a smoker finally eats away at the outer tissue. THAT is disgusting. 
  • If you are a parent who smokes in the house with small children present, fuck you. Seriously. You are a child abuser and a selfish piece of shit.
  • "Smoker's rights" are bullshit. You're choosing to engage in a behavior. That behavior has consequences. You never hear anything about "BDSM Rights" or "Gamer's Rights".  When I worked at jobs that offered smoke breaks, not one offered me a "video game break" to run down to the arcade for 15 minutes every hour to engage in my vice.
  • Smoking in enclosed public places is the most bullshit of the bullshit that is "Smoker's Rights." You're bringing out into an unknown public a dangerous and disgusting haze that is produced by your selfish habit. Sure, I have a choice to go there or not. If it's a place called "Jim's cigar bar" then I'm not going to go there. If it's a place called "Chili's" there's no implied awareness that there will be smokers. You can go the fuck outside.
  • I'd much rather hang around loud, obnoxious drunk people than smokers.  At least the noxious byproduct of their vice is merely annoying behavior. I don't have to breathe in hazardous vapors when they scream "Freebird!" for no good reason.
  • Courteous smokers -- thank you for being courteous. You go outside to smoke. That's great. But you still release your tar-filled smoke into the air and contribute to pollution. Your fiberglass filtered butts don't bio-degrade in landfills. You still hate yourself and secretly want to die, and you smell bad most of the time. But that's your own business. I just want you to know.