Give That Kid The Ball, Man...

Yesterday, the internet got all up in a tizzy about this story, where two Cialis-commercial stars during their "leading-up-to-the-moment-you-never-know-when-will-strike-and-since-you're-old-and-your-dick-is-broken-you-need-pills" scene right before they ostensibly fuck, got a fly ball and took pictures with it while a crying toddler at his first baseball game went without:

People all over (especially in the comments of the story) were yelling one way or another -- half of the internet said the couple who got the ball are the worst human beings ever, and the other half screamed their heads off about entitlement and teaching children lessons and brats and what-have-you. And now, there's an interview with the parents who are saying they rejected the offer of the ball, and they're trying to teach their son that he doesn't get everything he wants.

Bull. Fucking. SHIT.

None of that matters. The moment that ball ended up in that old man with a limp dick's hands, he should have smiled, cheered, and handed it to the kid. Period, point blank, end of story.

If it was me, the situation would be thus: I'm a grown man at a baseball game. I can go out and buy as many baseballs as I want. I can go to hundreds of games with the money I earn as an adult. Magic and whimsy are things I have to actively search for and make space in my life to enjoy.

That's a little boy at a baseball game. A fly ball lands near me, kid gets the ball. That's how it is for a real man.

Now, if it was Hank Aaron's world record setting home run ball, it'd be a definite choice... I'd be torn. And I can't honestly say that I'd hand that piece of history over to the kid, because I think I'd hand that piece of history over to Hank Aaron to do with what he wants. But anything less than that, you give that kid an experience he'll never forget, no matter how big a fucking brat he is.

That story isn't about the kid. It's about the man. And that man is a limp-dicked shallow fake-tanned selfish rag of a person. He's certainly no man.

And even if that spineless guy couldn't find it in his heart to hand the kid the ball because he wanted his over-plastic-surgeried chick to get it, if that woman had a single ounce of decency, she'd have handed it over to the sad, screaming, upset child. And sure, they say the ball was offered to the kid... But look at the video. They didn't hand it to the kid when it happened. They didn't offer at any point during the first clip. By the end of that clip, the opportunity to be heroes (or, at the very least, not be douchebags) is gone. After that period of time, offering the ball isn't about making a magical moment for a child, it's about saving face.

For every moment I look at the world with wonder and think to myself how magical it is that such grandeur and beauty exists, there are two selfish fucks ready to spill fake tan bronzer all over it and darken things.


My friend Heidi just pointed me to this video, where a kid drops a fly ball, another kid gets it, and once he realizes what happened, goes and hands it to the crying boy who dropped it:

THAT IS HOW IT'S DONE, people. That young boy is ten times the man that the Cialis guy is.