3.16.2011

Dudes, Here's The One Secret To Talking To Girls

I'm talking to a friend of mine about his problems when it comes to talking to girls.

"I can't help it," he says. "It's what I do, I worry about stupid shit and let it get in my way. I can't stop thinking about all the reasons she wouldn't want me."

Here's the thing, and I think it's pretty universal for almost everyone with self esteem issues: we reject ourselves before anyone else can reject us. For some reason, that's easier.

Girls, by and large, are attracted to confidence. And unfortunately for you, obsessing over all the things you hate about yourself -- your looks, your job, your interest in comic books -- is just going to ruin that. it's the great prank of nature. We obsess over the thing girls don't care about and that makes us suck at the thing they do.

So stop doing their job for them. Stop rejecting yourself before they ever get a chance to. Make it hard on them. Don't just give up, make them give you a good reason why you shouldn't talk to them. Hell, make them sell to you.

The same goes with job interviews, asking for favors or anything else. The second someone perceives that you don't honestly think you're worth what you're asking for, they can't help but wonder why. You know yourself best, and if you're putting it out there that you don't deserve it, why shouldn't they just take your word for it?

The thoughts don't go away, by the way. I still have them. I always have. I'm just a really, really stubborn asshole, and want to see if I'm stronger than my own doubts. I put my head down, plow through the walls, and see what's on the other side. Ususally, I don't regret the momentary pain I experience doing it. Of course, it doesn't really apply to my talking to girls. But as I said before, I think it applies to any situation where you're trying to impress upon someone you're worth a chance. I do this daily.

Doubt is always there, until you begin proving to yourself it shouldn't be. The only way to begin believing in yourself is to first trust that you can handle what happens if you actually succeed. Give it a shot. Fake it till you make it. All that shit.

In other words, Jeremy, stop being such a pussy and ask that girl out.