You want to know why I can't forgive you?
Because you can never, ever take back what you did to me. You can't make it right; you can't fix the problem. You can't heal the damage. I had to do that. I had to fix myself; I had to make myself whole after you tore me in half. You didn't even have the decency to stick around and watch. And now, these years later, you want to make amends?
What, you get to act however you want, exacting your will against me, disappear while I figure it all out, and then show up again when your soul gets the best of you and ask me if I'll let you off the hook?
You're a terrorist. You're only happy when those around you are in dischord. And the fact that I have to write this out for you is proof enough that youv'e not changed a bit... Your methods have. Why can't you just stay away? Why isn't one turn at screwing me up enough for you?
And you're not even brave enough to show up and ask me for permission to forgive yourself to my face (because that's what forgiveness is, after all... If you were even slightly human, you'd just forgive yourself without needing to involve me). Fuck you. I think you know how it'd turn out if you showed up here in person. I wouldn't be the only one who had to suffer through this. But you know that. You know enough to stay far enough away to keep safe, all the while lobbing your emotional ordinance at me.
The truth is, you shaped me. You shaped me through pain and torment. I scarred over in those places. I feel no pain there, but every time I see the mark, I remember how it all went down. And every time I do, I think about how I'd visit that pain upon you in a way I could be sure you felt it. Because I know you have no heart to break and no soul to trade away, it'd have to be physical. And that's why you stay far enough away.