Why No One At AOLNews Actually Takes Me Seriously

And they shouldn't. Because I'm a total retard.

If you've paid any attention to this blog (or, read it outside of an RSS reader -- give it a try right now), you've seen the "Words my editor at AOLNews, Buck Wolf, has forbid me use:" column on the right. Truth be told: I know what I'm doing when I put them in the articles I write. I know that "vajayjay" won't fly on a mainstream news site, no matter how tightly the wings are glued on.

But that's not the only reason no one at AOLNews takes me seriously. There's other stuff I do, just about every single day, that causes people to form a glossy oily coat over their brains that will repel my words like water on a duck's back. Take today's Wierd News editorial chat from this morning:

[Weird News]: (Ben [editor]) good morning
joe peacock: if you say so


[Weird News]: (Ben [editor]) i wish we had thought of this feature: amish romance novels
joe peacock: that was huge on fark yesterday. "Oh baby churn that butter"


[Weird News]: (Buck Wolf) Joe, if you file [a particular story], make sure ben knows.
joe peacock: what's my format on [the story], can i be my normal self, or do i have to be all journalisty
[Weird News]: (Buck Wolf) Present facts in an entertaining and informative way. Try not to use the first person unless the story really requires it.
joe peacock: …shit, you had to say entertaining. Don't think i can do it boss
[Weird News]: (Buck Wolf) Joe -- What word can I use that would make the difference?
joe peacock: shoot, how do you do that accent thing over an e? I'm trying to type "blase"... stupid french and their stupid unnecessary accent marks


[Weird News]: (Dave [writer]) Morning
[Weird News]: (Buck Wolf) hi. Would you try to find the guy who married his dog.
[Weird News]: (Dave [writer]) Sure, but that story has fake fake fake written all over it.
joe peacock: Ooooh, i'll take it then. It's not like i have a reputation to protect. I can just hear him now when his dog catches him in an affair with his cat… "But honey, it was just a little sport pussy, it meant nothing, i have no felines for her"


[Weird News]: (Dave [writer]) I am calling TSA after -- what esle? -- coffee and will write the story after that.
joe peacock: i bet the TSA figures out a way to give you a patdown over the phone. Wear a kilt.


[Weird News]: (Buck Wolf) Joe -- file today. You have energy.
joe peacock: you misspelled 'entropy'

I swear to God, the more I write, the more I wonder how the hell the people I write for came to the conclusion that I actually belong there.