Sketch: Pay What you Want
Updated 11:30AM Dec 9: All the 1st book hardcovers are gone, there are 3 more 1st book paperbacks and a few more 2nd books available. All the big ticket (read: utterly ridiculous and never ever going to sell) things are still available. Go figure, no one's willing to spend $1500 to hang out with me.
So, it's Christmas, and you're looking for that perfect gift for that loved one of yours. Or loved ones. I don't know, you might be popular. Or, maybe you just spread your love around like so much peanut butter on so many bagels. I don't judge.
But one thing's for certain, you need gifts. And this year, the big deal is to stop with the materialistic crap and get them something from the heart. Something unique, one-of-a-kind. Something you just won't find anywhere else. And that's what I'm about to offer you -- a seriously unique kind of Christmas / Hanukkah (Chanukah? Which is it?) / Kwanza / whatever-you-celebrate present.
This is 100% serious. Every single item you see on this list is a serious offer, delivered before December 25th (except for one, the hand-written novel, for very obvious reasons, unless you just want it to be like seven pages and suck ass, and the travel stuff will have to be scheduled). I really doubt anyone will buy any of this crap. But hey, if you do, you have my word this'll happen.
All of this stuff is first come, first served. Once it's gone, it's gone. And I'm going to end this sale at some point, maybe Dec 31, 2010. Maybe not. Try buying it and see if it goes through, if it does, I'll honor the sale.
LISTEN UP: If you have a special request for the autograph, or for the "holiday" sketch (christmas tree / manorah / etc), say so in the notes in Paypal, otherwise you get what I think you should, which is usually the right thing but sometimes it's not.
So, the stuff you can buy -- click the link or the image to add it to your cart:
Here's the Killer Tomatoes I just finished for Bryan:
Autographed paperback of Mentally Incontinent (The first book, out of print) with sketch of Christmas tree / Menorah / Whatever-They-Do-For-Kwanza on the inside cover, your choice: $40 -- Limited to 10 -- 3 left
A 5~10 page "Mentally Incontinent" story no one has read or heard yet, written just for you: Includes an autographed copy of the 1st and 2nd books, with a sketch of me drawing a sketch in one of them, and a sketch of a sketch drawing me in the other
I will hand-write / type a story from the Mentally Incontinent series no one has heard yet (basically, I'll write you a letter with a story about one of my goofy times). If you buy it, no one else will ever get to read it. It's yours and yours alone... Unless of course you scan it and put it on the internet, in which case I'll link to it and you'll be a hero amongst the MI fanbase. $125 -- Limit 10
My sketchbook from art class in 1995, my senior year in high school: Includes an autographed copy of the 1st and 2nd books, with a sketch of one of my cats in one and one of my dogs in the other
Yes, this is the actual journal that girl stole. No joke. It's my journal that was stolen by a stalker and returned years later. Was the source for the story 1-800-STALKER from my 2nd book. Why would I sell this? Because it's in a book you probably read (or claim to have read) and for years, I just assumed it was gone. I lost emotional attachment. But now it's FAMOUS OMG. You get the supreme pleasure of deciphering my horrible handwriting and reading the ramblings of a young me. How lucky you are. It's not a complete notebook, and it is FILLED with retarded teenage angst. You'll love it. $300 - Limited to 1
A day with me, Mike and Jeremy in Atlanta. Includes an autographed copy of the 1st and 2nd books, signed by me, Jeremy, Mike and Andrea, with a sketch of Henry Rollins cooking pancakes (from the back, shirtless, so the tattoo shows) in one and Bruce Lee doing MAD KICKS in the other
We will start the day at The Flying Biscuit, the best place in the city to get breakfast. We will then go to the World of Coca Cola, where we will proceed to make fun of The World of Coca Cola, because it sucks. We will then head to the Georgia Aquarium, which is pretty damn awesome. Lunch will be at Farm Burger in Decatur, hands-down the best burger in the city. From there, you'll get a tour of Mentally Incontinent, where the stories took place, where I grew up, and so on. Dinner will be at The Porter, the finest pub in all the city. sleep in a hotel that night. We will play Xbox and call each other "fuckers" for the majority of the night. If anything strange or unusual happens during the day, you'll end up starring in a story in the next Mentally Incontinent book. Your airfare will be covered up to $400 dollars, and if you end up in a hotel, that's covered up to $100. If we travel to you, add an additional $500 for costs. All admissions and food are included. $1500 for a day in Atlanta -- Limited to 1 or $2000 for a day in your town, Limited to 1
A day with the Art of Akira in your town / at your business / whatever. Includes an autographed copy of the 1st and 2nd books, signed by me, with a sketch of Kaneda on his bike in one book and Tetsuo morphed into crazy goo thing in the other. Plus, an authentic production Akira cel of my choosing.
Stan Lee didn't pay for it, but he got a private showing of Art of Akira -- and now, you can too! Anywhere in North America -- International will have to cost extra. I will travel to your town and give you a full day of private exhibition with the actual production art from The Art of Akira Exhibit (or, you and your friends, or a showing at your business like I did with Pixar). The private exhibit will include pieces never before seen by the public, and will consist of 200-300 pieces. At the end of it all, I'll present to you an actual cel from the film of my choosing. $2500 -- Limited to 1
A full custom 200+pg novel written by me in any style you choose. This includes autographed copies of the 1st and 2nd books with sketches of glittery vampyres in the cover, reciting Keats.
Mystery, Romance, Sci-Fi, hell I'll even do Vampyre Tween crap. Your call. You can even be a character in it if you want. This will be your book, for you, to share with your friends. I'll have it published and printed and 10 copies made for you to give out. I will only sell the book to the general public a) if you agree, and b) after 1 year of it being yours to share with friends and read for yourself. Otherwise, I will make the book available to read online for free after six months (next July). I'll travel to your town and hand deliver the book, and spend the day hanging out and doing your chores. No windows -- washing or debugging. $5000 -- Limited to 1
My Truck. Includes an autographed copy of the 1st and 2nd books, signed by me, with a sketch of Howard Hessman from WKRP eating a McRib in one and Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrissian) drinking milk in the other.
Yes, that's right, you can be the proud owner of a 2004 Dodge Ram 1500 5.8L HEMI SRT truck -- the truck that the kids stole out of my driveway in 2008, and the very truck I toured this grand nation with in 2006 as I sold copies of my book out the back of it. I love this truck. You will too. I'll drive it to your location and deliver it, along with a tub full of Mentally Incontinent hoodies -- approximately 52 left in various sizes. We will hang out all day and visit the cool stuff to do in your town, followed by dinner at a four-dollar-sign restaurant in Yelp near your town. You'll have to drive me to the closest airport to get home. I'll include a story about you and your friends from the adventures that day. We will video the entire exchange and put it on YouTube set to music by my friends Battles. $10,000 -- Limited to 1