7.19.2010

Lack of Discipline

I completely lack discipline right now.

There was a point in time, oh, about six months ago when I was super disciplined. I was at the gym twice a day. I wrote something new every single day. I ate right.

I had a bag of chips and a pint of orange sherbet for dinner, people. And that was at 5:30PM, when I was supposed to be at the gym.

I've been trying the past few weeks to get it back, you know? Trying to establish regimen and set goals and push myself. I've done pretty well - I wrote four out of five parts of a series I've been sitting on for about a year (The writing / publishing thing, which will be done tomorrow). I went to the gym 4 days last week. I ate okay.

It's not enough. The antithesis of discipline is not failure, it's "okay." Sometimes doing what you said you'd do. Lax standards, but just enough work to make yourself feel like you're getting somewhere. I need that back.

I don't have an answer or a plan, save for confession. For some reason, every time I confess things like this to you guys, I go get my shit together. I'm hoping this is the case here. I hope that tomorrow I'll wake up terrified that you guys are going to start hammering me on why I didn't go to the gym or post that last peice of the thing I said would be done last week or finally announce the new book project.

Let's see what tomorrow brings.