Two Simple Rules To Be My Friend

I was reading Mrs. Melissa Oyler's blog entry on friendship, and what being a best friend is. And of course, being the smartass I am, I posted that I think the "best" friend is the one who I like the best, because they buy me lots of things (this is true, by the way, but don't let my admission of this fact get in the way of the intent of this post).

Recent events in my life have really distilled a LOT of things down for me. And one of those things is friendship. I used to have all these complicated rules for friendship, most based on trust, and some based on intangibles that I somehow regarded as important. But what I've come to realize is that I actually have two very simple rules for friendship:

1) I feel good around you.
2) I never have to watch my back with you.

Number one simply means that who you are and what you do don't make me feel bad. Now there are many values for "bad" but the one I mean here is "bad about myself." This does not mean you always have to be light and funny and make me giggle like a chipmunk with a Ritz cracker. You can be depressed and in need of a shoulder to cry on and there I'll be, because it makes me feel good to help you. It's really unsophisticated and easy.

Number two is the most important of the two rules, and the rule is very carefully worded. I never have to fear that you will intentionally hurt me. You won't go out of your way to put me out of mine. You won't put me in front of a moving vehicle, especially one you started and lost control of. Accidents happen; people fuck up. That's not this. This is the very deliberate decision to advance at my expense. And note the word "never." This means NOT EVER. Not "I can trust you most of the time."

Friendship is simple. It's being who you are around someone whose being who they are, and the shit just works. It doesn't mean lending someone 500 bucks to get their car out of title pawn or helping a buddy move or anything more than simply being with people you like and trust, who like and trust you.

So if you want to be my friend, the door is wide open. Come on in. Just follow the rules, and we'll be super BFFs.