Notes on the World Cup

- Who is the fucking marketing genius who handed out 100,000 free horns to the fans for the World Cup? And did they do any research on the actual note struck when everyone blows the damn things in unison? It's supposed to "mimic the sound of a swarm of bees." WHY IS THIS A GOOD THING? And it's not so much like a swarm of bees as it is like a sine wave bouncing around my brain with a hidden signal from the government enticing me to either kill the sitting president of a small republic or eat a specific brand of pudding. I'm not quite clear which yet. They may yet be banned - here's hoping. And a German dude has built an audio filter to attenuate the sound of the vuvuzela. Apparently, the horn is "a vital part of South African soccer culture." So vital, it only began use in the late 90's. Get rid of it please.

- The New York Post has no idea what a "win" actually is.

- I've never even heard of n+1, a bi-yearly publication out of New York, but their writeup on the teams of the World Cup had me hooked. I've become a subscriber. Drew Curtis also pointed me to this similar-yet-even-funnier writeup from his local radio station's website. Horrible website, great article.

- I love how every SportsCenter addict I know is now an expert on soccer. The most annoying ones (usually New York Yankees or Dallas Cowboy fans who have never even been to either city) call it "football." I want to punch them in the neck. They know nothing outside of what the anchors on ESPN tell them to know, and even then, half of what they spout is mis-memorized. This is true about every sport they watch, by the way. 

Landon Donovan sure does get a lot of publicity for being a marginal performer. He's the only player from the US team that can't make it in any European league. 

- Even after losing a lot of weight, I look ridiculous in a soccer jersey.

- This Nike World Cup spot is the best commercial I've ever seen for anything, ever. It's even better than my previous favorite commercial, also by Nike (just below). The "Search and Destroy" commercial is on my iPod and iPhone. I watch it while running on a loop, no kidding. It's one of the single most inspiring videos I've seen, right up there with the training montage from Rocky IV. And it's been beat.

- Soccer, while fun to watch every 4 years, still escapes me as a sport I'd like to keep an interest in. I don't get it. Why the hell would you watch a slower-paced, hitless hockey? This is fun due to the international aspect, where we all get to bellow about how our pseudo-nationalities are the best at something. But as a sport, this is not a daily, monthly or even yearly interest. This is a sport where the majority of players worldwide receive a juice box and a Fruit Rollup after the game. It's second only to baseball in terms of things only children should do seriously.