What's In The Box?

So, I cut my own hair.

I know, shocker. But why the hell would I pay a barber to slap a No. 2 guard on a clippers and run it over my head when I can do that myself? Especially since I've been doing it myself since I was 16? That'd be silly, huh? So that's why I don't pay the barber. But all that money-saving I do every three weeks ends up taking its toll on the tools, and after my last haircut, my 16-year-old hair clippers bit the dust.

So while at Wal-Mart grocery shopping, I picked up this new clippers kit:

Deluxe Chrome Pro! Sounds nice, huh? And it comes with a nice leather pouch, and a bonus clipper... How great! What a fine way to spend $40 bucks! But I had JUST cut my hair, so I didn't need them right away. So I just plopped the box on the counter and let it sit there until I needed them.

And that time came last Monday. And I was actually almost giddy to use them - there's something fantastic about using new stuff, isn't there? It's exciting! I get that way about everything from these hair clippers to a new stick of deodorant. So you can imagine my immediate shock and disappointment when I opened the box and saw this:

Yeah, that thing at the bottom there? That's not a hair clippers. That's...

A Dean Koontz book. And along with it, was this bottle of Vitamin Water:

And to round it all out was a child's purse placed in the box to simulate the fine leather case that the clippers were supposed to come in:

And as a bonus, the purse was actually full of seashells:

...Yep. I got hornswaggled. I've been a victim of the old "box full o' other people's shit from where they stole the hair clippers" scam.

I feel silly. Not just because of this, but because my hair has also crossed into "shaggy" territory. I look downright unkempt. And I'm pretty sure Wal-Mart won't let me return this, given it's been so long since I bought it (and I can't find the damn receipt).

But hey... SEASHELLS!