I actually fastened a size 38 pant around my waist today without sucking in.

I cried a little in the dressing room.

Sure, sure, I'm a wuss for crying and whatever, but seriously, it's been since Andrea and I first started dating that I fit - not squeeze into, but fit - a 38 waist pant. Of course, I can't buy them, because I still have massive legs and a bubble butt, and the crotch rides up and makes me a candidate for RateMyCamelToe.com (no idea if that is SFW or not, I just Googled "Camel Toe" and chose the funniest URL, click at your own risk). And that was the Levi's five-sixty-somethings, the loose-fit straight leg ones. So I doubt I wear 38's anytime soon, or even 36's when I get down there.

Still, I'm cracking open an ice cold, refreshing can of frosting to celebrate.