Alec Should Be A Falconer
My buddy Alec is exploring becoming a Falconer. But he is undecided.
I need your help convincing him to become a Falconer. And why?
Think about it - it's a job where you DRIVE A BIRD. That's what you do. You're a bird driver. For money. And it's not just any bird - it's a bird of prey that can tear your face off and eat it and then puke it back up and look at you and point it's wing in your now-eaten face and say "FUCK YOU. THAT'S WHAT'S UP." Plus, how many falconers do you know? NONE, that's how many. If you meet Alec, and he becomes a Falconer, your Falconer number goes up to one. That's in increase of infinity Falconers that you know.
And really, there's other cool gonna-kill-you animal trainers out there, but none of them have a single word using the name of the animal to describe it. There's Canine Specialists, Large Feline behavioral coaches, Elephant Trainers... And yeah, you could argue that herpetologists handle really mean vicious reptiles. But that isn't nearly as cool as falconer. You take the 'er' off Falconer, and you have someone who works with Falcons. You take the "tologist" off of herpentologist... Yeah, I don't want to be the guy who works with herpes. You?
The only real unknown for me is what exactly is the verb form of being a Falconer? Do you Falcon? Are you Falconing?
A baker bakes. A runner runs. A falconer falcons, right? But a carpenter doesn't carpen. More study is needed. But really, I think it should just be "To Falcon." Bitches better recognize my ability to Falcon. Well, not mine... Alec's, potentially. But you get what I'm saying.