There's a GOOD Reason Why This Is Only A Good Idea When You're A Kid...

Okay, this is a bit hard for me. I'm about to rip on myself, to an extent, because when I was a teenager, I wanted sooooooooooo badly to do this:

And now, I'm an adult. And I look at this video, and as much as I don't want to judge, and as much as I want to say "You know, good for them, living out their dream," I just have to shake my head.

This is stupid.

If you're going to actually devote yourself to being a hero who is serious about stopping crimes, you have one of two choices: become a cop, or become a vigilante. Rolling around town in a luchador mask and cape is a good way to get your ass kicked, but that's all its good for.

There are many, many ways to be a hero. I consider my wife a hero, because she's dedicated her life to the pursuit of helping helpless animals and doing sporting events to raise money for cancer cures. That's heroic.

Joining your friends dressed in ill-fitting costumes and bragging to news cameras that you're a hero? Not heroic.

I consider firefighers, paramedics, and most cops as heroes. They dedicate their lives to receiving way too little pay for putting their bodies in hazardous positions to keep me safe. That's heroic.

Fulfilling your inner need to be seen as something larger than yourself? Not heroic.

The big problem here is that these guys aren't doing this to make a difference. They're not actually helping society, putting a symbol of justice into the eyes of the city, or any of that noble shit. They're simply living out a fantasy. They're indulging their inner child with their adult ability to actually leave the house dressed like that. There's nothing heroic about this. It's actually counterproductive to the stated cause. It makes them a laughing stock. It reduces the overall usefulness of their efforts.

If they really wanted to be heroes, they'd go through the training and save people from fires and crimes for real. Or, they'd strap up, wander the city at night in fatigues and a hankerchief, and shoot bad people until they were crippled or died. They wouldn't be on news cameras, and they wouldn't be indulging a need to dress up.

God. Is this what it's like to be old? I kinda hate myself for pointing all of this out - there's still a little part of me that loves the idea of being a hero. But all I can think of is that I lack any of the training necessary to keep me from getting the absolute shit kicked out of me. No amount of movies, comic books, tv shows (even The Wire), or any other media can actually teach me how to spot crimes and dangerous situations. And even if they did, to do anything about it, I'd need to be willing to permanently eliminate that element from the environment - and if you're not a cop, that means you can't arrest them. You have to maim or kill them, or you're doing nothing.

And with that, I'm off to go see Wolverine.