My new marketing plan

This is not the new project post... But I wanted to share with you all my new marketing plan for the new Mentally Incontinent book.

You see, it involves my brand new SpyderCo Tasman Salt hawk-bill knife, which is so awesome:

I got this knife because LOOK AT IT. It's freakin' awesome. It slices and dices and fucks shit up. It's exactly the kind of knife I really, really do NOT need to own. And that's precisely the strategy.

As you know, I have a penchant for having incredibly stupid, unfortunate things happen to me, mostly from my own clumsy nonsense. So I realized my plan: I'll be slicing off callouses on my hands acquired from years of weightlifting, when I stumble and slit my own throat, which will result in my death, which will result in my book actually selling some copies. Because obituaries are a form of advertising. 

It's brilliant. Can't fail.