God Bless

I stopped by the huge Atlanta 24 hour post office on the way to the hockey game. I had to pay up my PO Box, or risk having my mail sent back to the folks who sent it to me.

The line was out the door. So I said "fuck that."

I went to the game, and watched the Thrashers beat the Canadiens 2-0. It was fun and exciting and I shouted non-sequiturs throughout the whole game, as I always do, such as "This isn't little league, you won't get a trophy just for trying!" and "I am disappointed in you!" and "Increase your efforts!" All at random times for random reasons.

I do know hockey, and I know the appropriate things to shout and the appropriate times to shout them. I'm also an asshole, so I just shout random shit instead.

So on the way home, I stopped by the USPS again, and the line was significantly shorter. In fact, there was only one other person in it, and she'd just been called up when I walked in. So I was able to handle my duties with the postal person quite quickly, which made me happy that I'd waited.

While I was waiting for the postal dude to go get the mail that was at risk of being returned to the senders, the lady next to me began digging through her purse. And by digging, I don't mean just shuffling the chapstick and wallet around, she was pulling out handsful of items wholesale and plopping them on the counter. I realized what was happening when the postal lady asked her "how much are you short?"

"Forty cents," she said. And by the looks of things, she really was short that forty cents, cause if it were anywhere to be found, she'd have found it. So I reached into my pocket and pulled out the change from the prezel and Coke Zero I bought from the game. It was a five and a one. I handed her the one.

"Oh, thank you lord!" she said, looking right at me.

"God IS good!" the postal lady said.

Unless they thought I was the lord incarnate in a Thrashers jersey, they'd just thanked the lord for my generosity. And this didn't bother me - I need to stress quite avidly that this didn't bother me. I understand that, to those of the religious persuasion, all things happen through God who strengthens them. To them, I was but the vehicle for God's great generosity and impact.

But I have to say, it'd have been nice to get at least a little credit.

With a nice bright smile, the lady offered me a brand new, unopened package of peanut M&M's as payment. I refused, telling her that my father raised me never to accept payment for an unsolicited kindness, lest I have to sell back what I gained when I need help. She commented that my daddy raised me right, and that I was a good boy.

I received my parcels and left the post office, wondering just how the hell one could ever get one back over on God and steal a little credit from him. I think the next time some waters part and people try to cross the sea, I'm going to show up with a gigantic Dyson and say "no no, it's not God, I did this. So, like, remember it in 4000 years when you people crossing this body of water right now are running the movie industry."