Gonna play me some football

We took my measurements at the gym today, and I was so encouraged by the numbers, I felt like starting Could I Have Made It: Season 2 early. So I posted a precursor post today, and in there are the results of my hard work over the past 3/4 of a year of radio silence.

I'll be updating it every day from now until the tryouts.


Who needs coffee?

A great way to begin the morning. This will wake you right up.


The 15 year tattoo, part 6

I'm beat. 5 hours of having the most sensitive part of my arm poked with needles, through some of the most detailed work of the entire piece so far, has completely worn me out.

Here's pics. I'll be more expressive tomorrow or something.


My dad is 80

Yesterday, my father turned 80 years old.

He's lived through three of the four industrial revolutions in this nation. That just blows my mind.

He adopted my sister and I when I was 14 and she was 13, even after he'd raised us for 4 years, knowing fully well what he was getting into.

So I bought him one of these for the celebration last night:

He's a scotch man, and recognized what he had the second I handed it to him.

Phenomenal drink. Well worth both the price and the occasion.


Beatboxing Flute + Cello

I could write something here, but honestly, nothing I can ever come up with could ever match the awesome of this.

I think I'm completely done writing anything for at least a few days while I recover.


What I'd do, #1: Barbasol Ad

So, in addition to illustration and graphic design and web development, I sometimes also do marketing and brand management for people who have money and want to waste it on a guy with Akira all over his arm telling them what to do.

Something has recently struck me and just won't leave me alone.
It seems to me that, once one company goes a certain route to appeal to a demographic, just about every single company competing with them decides to do the same thing. Take the "Hip Urbanite" angle started by Volkswagon and now copied by Ford, Chevy and everyone else who has a hatchback and a hankering to appeal to young folks with more disposable income than common sense.

The most recent one to strike me is the "Hot, Big-Breasted Chick + Absurdist" movement that's running through men's hygiene products. A transforming razor that converts from high-tech gadget to a... Well, razor. Or the Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow shit that Axe / Lynx is doing.

The most recent casualties are Old Spice and Barbasol. I can just see the board members at the holding companies for those brands gnashing their teeth and wringing their fingers when they see commercials like this one for Edge Gel:

Oh MAN! Once the Barbasol brand managers see this, they get feverish and immediately demand a Rolodex full of Hip Advertising FirmsTM to come up with something fresh and exciting and WHATEVER JUST GET ME BIG TITS AND ABSURDITY, NOW:

Come on.

This ad does not stand out. It does not promote brand awareness. It does not cause you to consider Barbasol before considering any of the 30 other brands of shaving cream / gel on the shelf at Wal-Mart. It just... Is. If anything, it reminds you just how shitty your job probably is. It reminds you that there are multiple levels above you, and in order to even consider getting to somewhere near the top, you're still going to have to push the mop, and after that, wear stupid glasses and sweat and shovel paper.

Furthermore, that ad cost probably $500,000 to make, and additional $5m - $30m to place and get promotion on networks and cable channels. And for what? The Hip Advertising FirmsTM will begin talking to you about brand awareness; that the new campaign promotes Barbasol Ultra as a Now and With-It brand on par with other "Hip" brands like Axe and Edge who are winning the 18 - 23 demo and creating loyal customers; the Ultra name will seperate this new product from the Barbasol of old; it's not your dad's shaving soap and SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY. You're wrong.

It will simply either be bought or not bought. Your ad does nothing. The slick binder with your proofs and storyboards impressed a brand manager, not the market. You get paid, the status quo is upheld, and everyone "wins". But nothing changes, it's just boring.

So, what I would do, if Barbasol's brand manager hired me:

A ten second spot. That's all - ten seconds.

The first two seconds would be a "pull out" shot of a video screen playing a hip, "edgy" big-titted blonde and fully-shaved gym-muscled male (make sure this guy looks as effiminate as possible, and completely disinterested in the female). Make them say some stupid catchphrase, like "SMOOTH!"

Once the zoom-out reached the point where the display (monitor playing the hip ad) was seen, the frame would then zoom-out quickly, and from stage right, a VERY muscular - but not bodybuilder type, more along the lines of a long-term mechanic with a real person's body (possibly a World's Strongest Man winner) man would enter. VERY manly - not this Metrosexual crap that companies seem to think we care about these days. The man would smash his fist down and through the monitor playing the commercial. He would finish wrecking this plasma / LCD display, pick up a can of Barbasol, and yell "BITCHES use GEL! MEN use BARBASOL!"

End commercial.

That's it.

Within a week, every feminist and possibly gay rights group would be in an uproar. The company would be forced to pull the ad. The ad would hit YouTube and Revver and Veoh and whatnot as a "banned ad."

Women don't buy Barbasol. They would call for a boycot. Big deal.

Homosexual men may buy Barbasol, but would probably call for a boycot themselves.

The very fact that females and "homosexuals" rebel against a product is a call for every "manly" man on earth to instantly purchase it, or have their manhood questioned. Every man who is aware of the ad who passes a shaving cream asile will, at the very least, consider the connotations of buying a gel.

Locker rooms across the nation would be stocked with nothing but Barbasol.

And the total cost of the ad? Probably $50k to shoot and produce, with another $1m in spot purchases. Once it's yanked, everything after that is viral and, thus, free. If the ad budget is $30m, you've got roughly +$28m to spend on giving away Barbasol to manly men who want it. Buy one, get one free. Get a free razor with Barbasol. What-have-you - the point is you have the money left over to get the product into the hands of those who want it.

And if the whole thing flopped and no one cared? You're out $1m + $50k on an ad. That's PEANUTS compared to the failure of the hip, slick big-titted absurd commercial you've made that does nothing for you, along with producing an entire line of "Ultra" cans.

Just my 10 minute consideration of this product and their silly commercial.


And then 7 mins later...

...The next band of storms moves in and blows away the rainbow.

Sent via SMS. Please forgive any typos or pointlessness.

Rainbow in the dark

Come to the beach and live the Dio experience!

Sent via SMS. Please forgive any typos or pointlessness.

Fanboys? Right...

What do you do when there's a tropical storm at the beach where you're staying the weekend for a a wedding? Why, go see The Dark Knight, of course. And that's what we did yesterday, and it was as amazing as everyone's making it out to be. Go see it.

But this post is not about The Dark Knight. It is about what happened immediately after The Dark Knight.

We walked out and saw, in the lobby of the theater, tables set up by the local comic book shop, Fanboy Comics. They had toys and collectibles and comics and graphic novels all related to The Dark Knight. They had a man in a Flash costume walking around the lobby (for the record, his boots were yellow rubber galoshes... It really capped off the outfit). The main proprietor was wearing a Superman shirt, was about 5' 2", had glasses and a bit of a potbelly... Basically, he was every characture you've ever seen regarding comic book fans and store owners.

I walked up to the table with a smile on my face. "Wow, this is brilliant!" I told him. And I really felt it was - it was the first time I'd seen a comic shop take the reigns and use the power of public interest in a comic property to promote further learning of the material. I loved it.

He looked at me for a few seconds. "Thanks," he said pensively.

I knew right then what was going through his head, because I've seen it a thousand times, at every comic convention and store and other gathering I've been too - a gigantic 6' 3" jockish dude comes up to a small comic book / sci-fi fan and starts talking the talk.

"I really like that you're promoting your store with the movie," I said. "The more fans, the better the industry!"

He just looked at me strangely.

Mike pulled me aside and said "You think he thinks you're making fun of him?"

"Probably," I replied. So I took a few of the Free Comic Book Day comics they had laying out, and tried to make sure he knew that I wasn't trying to be a facetious dick. "What did you think of the movie?" I asked him.

"I liked it," he said with a note of snobbery.

"Yeah, I really like Bale's interpretation of the Miller Batman persona," I replied. "He plays the grittier Batman well."

"Sure, yeah," he answered.

"What'd you think of the locals dressing like Batman, like they did in Dark Knight Returns?"

"It was kinda cool," he replied. He was loosening up. "I like the tribute."

"Yeah, same with the Batmobile," I said. "It looks just like the one with the sonic blasters that took down Superman."

We chatted for a minute, and he gave me permission to open the bagged hardcover of The 100 Greatest Batman Covers book laying on the table. He watched as I carefully puled the tape from the lip-side of the bag, the way a real fanboy would. He noted that I didn't break the spine and lightly flipped the pages, the way a real fanboy would. When I placed the book back into the bag and sealed it the way a practiced collector should, his shield dropped.

"You collect?" He asked.

"Used to," I replied. "Had to liquidate when the dot-com crash happened."

"Bummer," he said. And we talked a bit more about what we both collected and were fans of. I brought up Akira.

"Akira?" he asked, as if to ask "You liked Akira best?"

"Yeah," I replied with a smile, and showed him my tattoo.

He stared at it blankly. "Like... The movie Akira?" he asked, confused.

"Yeah," I replied, "But also the comic." I told him about how it was one of two titles I kept the originals of, because I couldn't part with them - it took YEARS to seek out each and every Young Magazine issue, and I couldn't bear to let them go.

"Huh," he said.

"You ever read it?" I asked.

"No," he said. "Didn't even know about it."

I blinked; stunned.

I blinked again, even more stunned than I was when I blinked the first time.

With my mouth hanging open, I attempted to ask, "Really?"

"No," he said.

Heh... Fanboy indeed.

I'm headed to the shop itself today, before the wedding. I want to check the place out... See if it actually lives up to the name. But more than that, I want SOMETHING to do for the next 5 hours while this tropical storm annihilates the coast and makes being at the beach somewhat useless.

** Update 4:30 PM **

Store is staffed by jerks. Fine selection, but the staff - of which there were 4 - were completely uninterested in helping any of us. When engaged, they gave short, one word answers (unless the answer absolutely required more than one word, at which point they went out of their way to make sure to use as few words as absolutely necessary to answer the question).

Bonus - all 4 of them looked like Rivers Cuomo from Weezer. And that's not a compliment.


Rear window audio

this is a reflective subtitle system in a movie theater. You wear glasses with a mirror on them to read the subs if you're hearing impaired. I thought that was pretty neat.

Sent via SMS. Please forgive any typos or pointlessness.


Tropical depression forming off the coast... Kicking the surf up. First break in the rain since I got here. Kinda peaceful...

Sent via SMS. Please forgive any typos or pointlessness.


The 15-year tattoo, part 5

After a month hiatus from the tattoo parlor (well, from Todo actually since he was in California for a while... I wasn't on hiatus from the parlor, since Jeremiah did a piece on my leg a few weeks ago), the Akira sleeve is once again in progress.

Here's the bits from last night and today. The forearm and upper arm pieces will be connected through the unified background next week. For now, they look like separate pieces, but they're all part of the same moment in the story (again, from the comics, not the anime).

A standalone portion of a building's structural pillar, grafitti'ed with a bloody "A" (for Akira's gang)

The iron rebar (the spindly things poking out the top) aren't colored in yet, because of the background work that's going in behind them. They will be next week.

The pillar has basically landed right on top of the most notable (and beautiful) thing from the entire Akira storyline, Kaneda's bike, and split it in half. Back half:

Front half:

Note: the front of the bike that you know and love is actually laying in chunks on the ground... or will be, next week when the wrist is finished :)

Portions of the military's attempt to restore order to the city right before Akira went off are evident in the foreground. We've only gotten to the tank so far:

To give a sense of what it's all coming together as, here's a few shots of the whole arm:



I just got back from Publix.

I love Publix. They have a fantastic deli department, their subs are always delicious, and they sell gallons of Splenda-sweetened tea for cheap. I would live in Publix, if it weren't for the fact that Publix doesn't have my sweet office setup and massage chair. If they did though, I'd be totally living there, like totally.


Checking out with my 4 gallons of tea and some gum, I entered into a dialogue with one of the long-time checkout people there about the content of the various gossip rags they carry at the registers, when suddenly, the old and sweet lady bagging my tea and gum began giggling with delight.

"Your arm!" she said. "It looks like a christmas tree!"

I smiled. "It kinda does, doesn't it?" I offered.

She just laughed and laughed. "That's great!" she said. "can I see the rest?"

I lifted my left sleeve and showed her the half-sleeve tattoo that has accumulated on my arm.

"Wow!" she said. "I bet that took a long time!"

"About 18 hours so far," I replied.

"Wow!" she said, laughing more. She was so sweet and so jovial. "So when do you take it off?"

"Uh," I said, smiling as I thought she was just joking. "Never, they're my permanent pajamas!"

"Never?" she said. "Not even to shower?"

I looked at the checkout clerk with a bit of confusion, as if to ask if the woman was just joking, or if she was senile. He kinda wrinkled his nose and turned to her and said, "it's a tattoo, Irma..."

"Tattoo?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "It's permanent. It doesn't come off."

She looked at him with confusion. She then looked at me with an equal amount of the same. "Never?"

"Nope," I said with a smile.

She blinked. "Wow," she said, and just stared at it.

"Have... Uh... Have you never seen a tattoo before?" I asked.

"Don't think I have..." she said, with a bit of a frown.

I looked at the clerk again. "Is she serious?" I asked him.

"Probably," he replied. "This is her first ever job... She doesn't get out much, I think."

We finished the transaction, and as I was grabbing my bagged groceries, I bid them both a fond adieu.

"Can I ask you something?" Irma asked.

"Sure," I replied.

"Why would you DO that to yourself?" She asked this with a sneer, as if she was my mother (well, not MY mother, because when my mother sneers and asks such a question, it's usually with much more volume, adding an object of medium weight flying through the air).

I wanted to explain to her how expressive the artwork is and how beautiful it is and how much it means to me, both the allegory in the tattoo and the tattoo itself.

Then, I felt like i'd be wasting my time, so I wanted to say "Because I like it."

Then, I began to feel some disdain for her disapproval, so I wanted to be a smartass and say "It was a bet, and I won, muahahaha!"

Then, I got angry. I wanted to bark at her and yell "Hey old lady, why the fuck do you even care? Manage your own life, I'll manage mine."

I ended up just saying, "Hey, different strokes, right?"

She just tisked at me and went back to work.

I left without another word said.

I'm not sure I'd even be bothered to think about it if she simply disapproved... I think it was the fact that she didn't even know what the hell it was and still disapproved that got me so engaged. You do things in your life, knowing that you'll end up taking some shit for doing them but that the shit'll be worth it... You know, going in, that the shit you'll take won't even bother you. But sometimes, it comes at such an odd angle from such an unassuming source, you can't help but react.


ǝlƃooƃ noʎ ʞɔnɟ

I am posting this solely to end up on the Google Trends "top trends" page. Don't even bother reading it. There's nothing of value here.

Nothing at all.

Seriously. You're wasting your time by reading this post. You won't find any relevant information at all regarding anything whatsoever, especially the meaning of my newest non-Akira tattoo. I mean, why the hell would I tell you that the tattoo reads "YDMS" and means "Yesterday Don't Mean Shit" in a post with absolutely no value meant specifically to land me on the Google Trends "top trend" page? I most certainly would never do that.

Nope. So stop reading.

Mike's secret identity


Joe the BatHulk


Sent via SMS. Please forgive any typos or pointlessness.


Diablo II on Mac OSX = FAIL (or, Apple disenchantment, part 3)

So, ever since the announcement of Diablo 3, I've had a hankerin' to play some Diablo 2. I finally succumbed to it today and ran out to Best Buy to grab a copy of the Diablo Battle Chest (my original D2 copy for PC was given away some time last year... Well, I say "given away", when I actually mean "loaned to a guy I no longer associate with and can't bother to ask for it back, due to the bullshit it'd bring along with it").

I got home and started installing as quick as I possibly could. It took a bit, but finally, I was ready to get to hackin' and slashin' with my Assassin. But, this would not happen for me, for as soon as I clicked "Play" from the installer dialog, I got a huge program crash.

So I tried again. Program crash.

I Googled. I read a bit of forum crap saying it needs the latest version - the discs are at version 1.03, and it needs 1.12. So I download the patcher. I patch. I run.

Program crash.


So, I Google "Diablo II Crash Leopard" and ended up with a link to this guy's blog, writing about the exact same disappointment for the exact same reasons. He linked to this forum, which explains the problem (and for those who end up having the same, don't read from where I just linked - let me save you a TON of time and link you to a very quick fix):

Apple, for whatever reason, took out support for 256 color mode in the 10.5.2 update for the display driver for the Nvidia chipset in the Macbook Pro.

This boggles my mind.

WHY DO THAT? There is no good reason to reduce functionality that doesn't in any way burden or tax the system just by sitting there ununsed. There is, however, a GREAT reason for not taking it out for no good reason - IT BREAKS SHIT. Shit like Diablo 2.

And here's the really brilliant part - Diablo 2 doesn't even NEED the 256 mode to run, it just needs to know it's there to launch. You can run D2 under OpenGL with no problems whatsoever... As long as you can get the stupid thing to load.

So, I tried the long version of the fix, and got some graphical glitching (and for some reason, Finder kept launching and crashing over and over - very strange... Made clicking a desktop icon impossible). Then I ran the simple installer some guy made (linked above) and boom - I'm playing D2.

So yeah... Yet another really stupid reason Apple gave me to get angry. Everything that's happened from Apple to get me angry has been just plain stupid and avoidable.

I won't switch back, mind you. I still love my macs. I'm just really annoyed.


What the hell good is ProCare?

Because the new iPhone is debuting tomorrow, the fine staff at the Apple store couldn't see me about my failed iPod. They had to take all appointments today, because they're taking none tomorrow.

I understand that.

What I DON'T understand is the fact that this also applied to ProCare members. For the uninitiated, ProCare is a $99.00 a year membership you can buy to automatically move you to the front of the line for support. It is supposed to absolutely guarantee that, even if every scheduled appointment is full, you WILL be seen for support that day. It's basically a hall pass for your problems.

And my problem - at 1:00 in the afternoon, mind you, not near closing - was with a two-week-old iPod classic 160gb that has a failed hard drive. It's clicking and whirring and generally not ever going to work ever ever. And when I explained this to the staff, all they could tell me was "Sorry, we can't help you, iPhone debuts tomorrow, yadda yadda." I whipped out my ProCare card and they simply shrugged. "We can ask a manager, but it won't help, tomrorow's iPhone launch blah blah go fuck yourself, you wasted your hundred bucks."

That's just plain absurd.

I'm really becoming disenchanted with Apple.


Armchair Outrage over FISA

"Congress failed us."

That's all I've heard all day long. FISA's been amended to allow for telecom immunity, and warrentless wiretapping and monitoring of American citizens by the government is now jake with the courts.

Congress has failed us!

Blog after blog after blog has said the same thing. Reddit and Fark and Digg (ok, maybe not Digg) and Huffington and DailyKos and half the people I know on Facebook and LiveJournal have all been yelling through their damn keyboards about this horrible outrage! This travesty of checks and balances in our executive and legislative branches!

Big telecom owns the Congress! Wait, no no... Big telecom owns the presidency! Wait - Congress is AFRAID of the President, with his 25% approval rating!

The 4th Amendment is now completely broken and useless!

We've been violated as a nation!



We gave them up. Handed them right over, along with the keys to the castle.

Guess what, folks? Our 4th Amendment was cracked right over the president's knee with the House on one side and the Senate on the other, pushing as hard as they could, when the Patriot Act was signed.

We have routinely allowed for the Supreme Court to rule against the sovereignty of property ownership. We RE-ELECTED a president who - it has now been PROVEN - lied his way into an unjust war which provided massive, and sometimes record, profits for known affilates and long-time business associates of every member of his cabinet, and then we refuse as a nation to demand our Congress follow one determined Representative's initiative to get the son of a bitch to face his sins.

And all of this in the past 8 years. And this is hardly all of them.

I could keep going, back into the 90's and 80's, and find gross and horrible liberties taken with the office we've voted our "leaders" into, and cover my personal lifetime in about 3300 pages of simple summary. Or better yet, here's a pretty comprehensive list since the birth of our nation (and YES, I know I just linked Wikipedia, and YES, I know Wikipedia is an instant invitation to go heaping scorn on the validity of someone's research... But I dare you to compare that list to reference material and prove to me that each and every one of them is not a listed, known scandal). It's easy for me. I'm outraged. On the internet.

Look at me, the digital activist. I'm going to spread my outrage far and wide! And you're going to read my outrage, and maybe YOU'LL be outraged! And maybe then you will spread YOUR outrage and make others outraged, until we're all outraged! ON THE INTERNET!

Then what?

We go vote? For who?

We go stand on a street corner with a red, white and blue sign, promoting candidate-du-jour who promises change and supports the status quo? Or, maybe we get risque and start supporting fringe radicals like Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich and Jesse Ventura and Bob Barr (heh, kidding, Barr is a pathetic self-aggrandizing clinger-on who thinks going "Libertarian" can win his right-wing nonsense some validity in this scorn-torn nation)? Maybe THEY will shake things up for us! Maybe they will restore our Constitution and save us! Let's blog about it!

Slactivism. All of it... just plain lazy noise-making.

If only we had examples of a motivated people who mobilize en masse to effect change for causes they care deeply about... HEY! You know, those WTO protesters who get shot with pepper gas every year and scream and yell about the gross injustice the rich nations of the world are perpitrating on the poor... THEY have the right idea. Take to the streets. Show your outrage. Strike some fear into the wrinkled Bourgeois... AND THEY DON'T EVEN LIVE IN THE NATIONS THEY'RE PROTESTING FOR.

Animal rights activists - PeTA! Now THERE'S a group who's playbook we, the Internet Outraged, could borrow from! Go stage massive demonstrations with bullhorns and buckets of red paint! Show the cruel and inhumane slavers of livestock (us) that we won't be controlled by corporations who buy off the leaders we elect! Get whacked with a silly club a few times, maybe get hauled down to prison for standing up for something...

Looking out my window, I've not seen anyone running screaming down the street with a handkerchif tied over their face and a stick in their hand, chanting "I want my 4th Amendment back, and I will accept payment on the interest you owe me in your blood!"

I've not seen a single invitation from Evite or Twitter or Facebook Groups inviting me to a demonstration at Pennsylvania Avenue (or my State's capital, or even my town's city hall). Plenty of pokes, a few jokes about my taste in music... No revolutions, though.

Face it folks... "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country" is dead. We will sit passively by and scream into our TVs-with-typewriters-attached about how angry we are that something we hold so precious - the Constitution - is being ripped apart piece by piece; meanwhile we can't even tell you what was written on the chunks that get torn away. Hell, I bet you can't even name your State's Senators and Representatives without Googling - I can't! I just tried in my own head!

We all beat the damn table when we don't get the portions we feel we deserve... But we end up eating what's been given to us anyway. No one goes back into the kitchen to demand more from the guys we're paying to serve us anymore. We're so used to being told what we'll take as a nation... Our outrage is fuled by images half-remembered from elementary schoolbooks of blue-coated wig-wearing Patriots who played flutes and beat drums and carried a flag while fireworks were lit over Boston as tea was dumped somewhere for some reason, and OH YEAH! BILL OF RIGHTS!

We're going to keep getting what we're being told we should have until we STAND UP AND TAKE WHAT WE DESERVE. And what we deserve is nothing more than what's guaranteed us in the Constitution of the United States of America, and nothing less than the same.

You want change? Quit crying about it and hoping it'll come from somewhere else. Go make change.

"But Joe, what are YOU doing to--"

That's not making change. Questioning my motives and call to action is not making change. It's deflecting your responsibility by hopefully calling into question the guy who's asking you to make yourself accountable for your own ineptitude. I'm doing plenty.

What are YOU doing?

Go make change.







Wow, what hit me?

I have no idea what the hell happened to me, but sometime around 10pm on Saturday, I fell out.

I got up to go to the gym Sunday morning, made it through half my workout, and came back home only to fall asleep for about 20 hours. I woke up a few times, but pretty much only to handle the necessary duties that arise when you sleep for so long (you know what I'm talking about, of course - eating bacon).

So I got up at 10 this morning and felt woozy and strange, and have been fighting through that all day. I'm now at a point here at 7:30pm where I can actually string together words to form sentences.

It's been a strange few days.


New Ink (not part of the Akira thing)

A little bit of olde english (in a unique font-face created half by me, and half by the artist Jeremiah at A.B.T. Tattoo). This was one of the candidates early on in my tattoo life, but after my San Francisco experience put a moratorium on any tattoo work for, oh, twelve years, I shelved it. Brought it back out to give Jeremiah some portfoloio material.

I like it.

Yes, I purposely avoided telling you what it means.


I don't care what the experts say...

It's been one of the longest-standing military axioms in United States history - "You can't win a land war in China."

Oh yes you can. And here's why:

I've never been to war, and I've never served in an infantry unit... But I've played enough Call of Duty to know that the second someone gets behind you, and you're on a Segway, you're totally 100% FUCKED. Knife-death ahoy.

You can't run laterally. You can't sidestep. You can't twist-and-fire. You can't duck behind cover. All you can do is go forward marginally faster than you could on your own two feet.

If you DO hop off the Segway, you've got an instant obstacle in front of you. This looks to me like a damn shooting gallery on wheels.


Another little rant

I think everyone who even dabbles a bit in web development is sick to death of web 2.0.

I love the concepts. I love some of the designs. I hate the cliches and bandwagons. I hate the termdropping and buzzwords and wrong-size-shoe for wrong-sized-horse (like Dr. Pepper launching a "social networking" site... COME ON...).

But the one thing that is making me sick beyond belief - the ONE thing that just makes me scream each and very fucking time I see it?


Do you really want to use "Beta" software on something that "Can help you and your business succeed"? I mean REALLY? Doesn't "Beta" usually mean "We are releasing this for field testing, but do not stand behind it - we make no warranties whatsoever, and you use it at your own risk?"

Do you really want to trust a service like this that prematurely launches its software to millions? And if they're not prematurely launching it and are only using BETA per the Web 2.0 Book Of Cliches, do you trust THAT sort of nonsense?

Some kid's college project Battle Chess game using characters from Battlestar Galactica... Ok, sure. Beta.

Visa Business on Facebook? Gmail? Any of the thousands of VC-funded publically-used products who have been in "beta" for years now?

Really... Just stop. It's GOLD, and you know it.

And if it actually IS beta, don't release it to the masses. And if you DO release it, certainly you shouldn't be making one red cent off it, since you don't offer a warranty and direct us to use it at our own risk. And if you DO offer a warranty... Well, that's GOLD software, isn't it?

"Beta" just means: "We want you to use this and we want to get whatever value we're launching it to get, but when it breaks, don't cry to us." It's lazy and avoidant and allows for income without responsibility.



Just a little rant

(I'm doing a bit of work for my friend Lori, and she had a page that was designed specifically for IE6 that needs to be tweaked to not look like complete crap in IE7. This is our conversation)
joe peacock: i have no idea why there wasn't a company-wide mandate at [company] the nanosecond IE7 came out that everyone ditch ie6

joe peacock: ie6 is pretty much the Bush Administration of web browsers

lori: ha, yeah, there are a lot of people who agree with you!

joe peacock: yeah, like, the whole internet

joe peacock: ie6 is a horrible prank gone terribly wrong. At least ie7 just has "nuances" that are a bit retarded. IE6 is just a spastic retarded baby goat bleating throughout the night, keeping you awake

lori: *grin*

joe peacock: i'm not making a joke, I'm being absolutely terribly honest

joe peacock: if I could go back in time and slay the parents of the man (or men) who thought that absolutely violating all known standards of DOM and grid display was a terrific way to lock market share, I'd probably not do it because then it'd change other events, like the invention of almond extract or something

joe peacock: and i like almond

joe peacock: but still, i hate those guys
* * *

It saddens me deeply that, in the middle of 2008, we even have to have this conversation.



I have iTunes on my desktop. I sync my iPod with that machine.

I have iTunes on my laptop. I play my desktop's library through it.

I am away from home, have my laptop, and my ipod with me. I plug the ipod into the laptop, because I need some tunes.

iTunes syncs the ipod with the laptop, thus deleting 120 gb of music off my ipod in one fell swoop.


Helping an old lady cross the street

A little bit of my faith in humanity was reaffirmed today.

I stopped at the driveway to pull into the Aurora Coffee House here in Little Five Points, when I saw an old lady take a step out into the street. I knew the second her foot left the curb that it was going to end badly, and sure enough, I was right - she stumbled and hit the asphalt, right in front of one of five lanes of traffic.

I was aghast - I wanted to immediately get out and help her, but I couldn't block up my side of the road. So I pulled in and ran back, and I was totally blown away.

The entire roadway shut down.

I was very impressed. People hopped out and we all helped this lady collect her things and get oriented, then, en masse, we helped her cross the road.

I feel good about us. Our humanity hasn't been totally stripped away by modern convenience and American Gladiators.

It's a good day.