12.29.2008

@chickenlittle: I'd totally eat a penguin

My dear dear friend @chickenlittle on Twitter asked the question "If you had to eat a panda, a zebra, a penguin, a dalmatian, a skunk or a raccoon, which would it be?"

I was going to respond to her on Twitter, but I realized that there are a fair number of you out there who have never heard me go off on this particular diatribe. I don't think it's come up at book signings or events, and really, why would it? But for the curious, I'll have you know that on my list of 100 things to do before I die, "Eat a penguin" is firmly in the #54 spot.

Now why, of all the things I could and should do before I die, would "Eat a penguin" make it to the list? Well why the fuck not? I want to eat a penguin before I die. I seriously do. And I can't really explain why that particular desire arose within me. I think it came to me during a discussion on items you can't find on any menu in any restaurant anywhere. We deduced that you can eat whale in Russia and Alaska, and horse is on the menus in France. Both dog and cat (and anything with 4 legs, really) are on menus in China and East Asia, elephant can be had in Africa... But no one serves penguin anywhere.

And as near as I can tell, there's no reason whatsoever why this should be true. The damn things can't fly. They CANNOT FLY AWAY. They also run at a glacial pace, and have no real defense against our ensnaring them and flaying them and grilling them over a hot fire, save their cuteness and penchant for being the icon for popular open source operating systems.

No, there's no good reason why penguin shouldn't grace the menu of restaurants what should normally have access to them, and yet, we've never seen it anywhere. So, in the spirit of simply making things right in terms of the food chain and my place in it, I've decided that I must some day devour a penguin.

In other news, you had fair warning that I wasn't going to be writing much of anything worth reading this week. You only have yourself to blame. Yell at me on Twitter about it.