Cell phone vs. Bible

I've received the following little missive as both an email forward from my family (who very clearly don't listen to me when, at gatherings, I explain to them very clearly: If it has the letters 'F' and 'W' in the subject when you receive it, do NOT send it to me), and as a feed item in Facebook and other places. It's actually a really cute comparison for the evangelical crowd:

Cell phone vs. Bible

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?
  • What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
  • What if we flipped through it several time a day?
  • What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
  • What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
  • What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
  • What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?
  • What if we used it when we traveled?
  • What if we used it in case of emergency?
This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing: Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being
disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

But then I wondered... What if the Bible really were treated like a cell phone?

If everyone treated their bible like their cellphone:
a) Just about every one of them would have a ringtone made from Ezekiel 23, verses 19 and 20; "(19)Yet she increased her whorings, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt (20)and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of stallions."

b) The bible would go off in restaurants, movie theaters, and other places where it shouldn't (and annoy people),

c) You'd be talking about your bible while at the counter at the bank (and annoy people),

d) If you talked about your bible while fueling your car, it'd EXPLODE

e) There'd be "bible bling" at the counter at every gas station and Bible Wireless store.

f) Douchebags would have leather holsters for their bible (oh wait, I think they already do this)

g) There'd be commercials all over Comedy Central advertising competing Bible services and how some are better at avoiding dropped prayers. At least one of them would have a priest walking across the country looking at the sky asking "Can you hear me now?"

h) Which service provider would get exclusivity on the iBible?

i) "3G" takes on a whole new meaning (ask any collegate history teacher what the 3 g's of the crusade were)

j) At least now, you won't get dirty looks in church when it goes off.