4.22.2008

Hey Ladies - Want to know why every guy you date sucks?

This one's really quite easy.

All relationships - like all purchases, acquisitions, deals, agreements and anything else that requires knowledge and acceptance of terms before execution - are built upon concessions... What you're willing to do without in order to get that which you want.

You keep dating dickheads because you keep conceding the wrong points.

If you meet a cute guy and you find out he cheated on his girlfriend, and you date him, you conceded monogamy for good looks.

If you meet a guy who's willing to spend money on you but has had a history of hitting his girlfriend, and you date him, you're conceding your personal safety for monetary gain.

If you meet a hot guy guy who's always got girls around him and you decide to be one of those girls, you're conceding... Well, your dignity for one thing, but the ability to have a steady, single guy for the chance that you might be seen with him.

You see, it's no secret that you, the routinely screwed-over girl who always seems to be unable to find a "good guy", value nothing that "good guys" have and everything that has nothing to do with being a "good guy." You want all the good guy qualities wrapped into the actual things you value - money, looks, attention, power, what-have-you, so that you can keep the thing you're seeking... But make no mistake. You don't value honesty. You don't value integrity. You don't value concern or monogamy or trust or love or bonding... You say you do, but you don't. You even argue with me that "No, I really do! I promise!" but you don't.

If you did, it'd be the FIRST thing you keyed in on. It'd be the barrier to entry. It'd be the thing that isolated and locked-in your potential mate. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't care about physical beauty - it's human nature to be attracted to hansome guys. But which are you willing to concede first to get him - the fact that he might not be cute / rich / powerful? Or, do these sorts of things come out of your mouth instead:
  • "He cheated on her, sure, but he won't cheat on me"
  • "He won't leave his wife, but I can change him and make him love me"
  • "Yeah, he's a jerk, but he's good in bed..."

In order to improve this situation, all you really have to do is just shut the hell up. I mean, not even change your perspective or your attitude or look for the thing you claim to value - just SHUT UP. Quit talking to me about it. I'm tired of hearing it.

If you actually wanted a decent guy, you wouldn't be bar-hopping and talking about the cute hotties you meet and whatnot. You wouldn't, as a group, dump at least 20 of my fantastic and super awesome friends for someone 'cuter' or 'richer' under the guise that there was no chemistry. You wouldn't even have this conversation, because you'd recognize that there are tons of great guys in the world who might not meet your GQ standards of beauty or Forbes level of material desire - but who would be willing to swim the Atlantic to get you a box of English toffee if all you did was ask. So why not just accept who you are, instead of paying lip service to the people in the cubicles around you every day so you don't look like quite such a whore?

You're lying to yourself about it, which means you're lying to me about it, which makes me not only bored but irate. Just admit you're a vapid, hollow shell of a human who cares only about material goods and exterior beauty because you bother yourself more with how you're seen than with actually living a fufilled, happy life.

There you go, all the free advice you can shove up your ass about the matter. Good luck.