8.25.2007

I got a new alarm clock yesterday, and I'm really excited about it - so naturally, I turn to THE INTERNET to share it with you, the internet users!

You see, I got bored with the iPod alarm clock that would play the tracks I requested to wake me from my restful slumber. So, I scheduled a five-hour rain last night to soak the drought-parched ground at my house enough to have a tree fall and hit my newly-refinished deck at precisely 9:08 AM this morning:









That sucks.

But hey, if I have to find the good in this situation, at least it only took out some railing on the deck. Another 20 degrees of tilt and I'd be replacing roofing, brick, and 7 computers.

8.19.2007

liz is to bowling!

---------
(posted via mobile device. Please forgive any errors and/or pointlessness)

8.17.2007

I don't know which is more boring... The drive to kentucky or the drive to Florida...

---------
(posted via mobile device. Please forgive any errors and/or pointlessness)

8.12.2007

Home again, home again... Jiggity-jig. Whacha doing?

---------
(posted via mobile device. Please forgive any errors and/or pointlessness)

8.10.2007

Kennnnnnntucky

Made it without stopping to pee.

---------
(posted via mobile device. Please forgive any errors and/or pointlessness)

Followup to 'stoppa by coppa': Ha ha!

this makes 31 :)

---------
(posted via mobile device. Please forgive any errors and/or pointlessness)

Stoppa by coppa

Well shit.

FW:

this dude is REALLY into scarface...

---------
(posted via mobile device. Please forgive any errors and/or pointlessness)

8.08.2007

Am I the only one who celebrated today's date by listening to British electronica group 808 State all day today?

Yeah... I probably am.

8.04.2007

A bit of a followup on the leaky pipe / wet ceiling / Allstate's website sucks thing:

After talking with my dad and the agent, I determined that there was no need for me to go and raise my insurance premiums over a stupid leaky pipe. I felt I had the ability to do what needed to be done to fix it, I was just kind of scared to go ripping into my home and fixing both pipes and ceilings - but my dad gave me the courage I needed by saying something that sounded remarkably like laughter and a slight jest about my manhood.

So, I grabbed a prybar and my reciprocal saw and knocked a big ol' hole in the ceiling:



Then, I got some compression fittings and replacement piping:



There. good as new... Except there's a big ol' hole in my garage ceiling, and white footprints all over the concrete where the drywall and water paste got all caked in our shoes.

Also, I hate squirrels.

And Allstate's site is still unusable.

And I am now out of tea.

8.03.2007

You know, I had plenty enough tea to last me the night. But for some reason, I just felt like I needed to fill the cup completely... After all, I'm not really tired and I am in the mood to write. So, entirely on a whim, I decide to head downstairs with my half-full glass of tea and get a bit more.

As I'm pouring the tea, I hear a very strange sound. It sounded somewhat like a cat scratching or pawing on a floor or something hard... But it wasn't pausing or stopping. It was going and going and going. And it sounded like it was coming from the garage. So I walked over and opened the door to the garage and was greeted with a spray of water directly in my face.




(I wanted to give some sense of scale, so I pointed at the holes and the wet spots. The ceiling is about 14 ft. high, and that spot is at least 3 foot by 2 foot, and had water shooting out of each of those holes... One was diagonally right at the doorway, giving me the nice pluming bukkake suprise when I opened the door).

It seems that a pipe has burst in the ceiling over my garage. And that's not good.

Now, the thing is, if you're a homeowner, you dread a lot of stuff... But by far the scariest is the "obscured pipe" thing -- the pipe hidden by a wall or celing or floor that you can't get to and analyze yourself that is shooting water everywhere. It's a sick feeling to see huge wet spots in varying places on your celing and wall and know that something, somewhere in there is broken... Not only does it mean ripping out a lot of shit, it also means plumbers, which are pretty much the most vile of vile servicemen.

The only thing I could think of to do, besides find the main water shut-off and curse a WHOLE lot, was to call my insurance company, Allstate. Now, I SHOULD know the number to Allstate - it's 1-800-Allstate - but when you're standing there at 10:30PM covered in water that shot out of the ceiling of your garage, you're not really thinking logically - you're panicky and you just want to get the shit on the right track toward getting unfucked. So I hopped on my computer, opened my iGoogle page, and typed in Allstate.


Somewhere in my head, I decided long ago that when corporate sites show up in the Adwords results - ESPECIALLY when they list the url as the base address of the actual website you're looking for - it's probably safe to just click the link and get there. So I did.

I'm a panicked, angry, wet homeowner who is trying to find help. And this is what I get:


...Really?

I mean... REALLY?

They're going to shut off access to the rest of the entire site via ANNOYING AS FUCK DHTML fake-popup windows that ask me for my zip code before I can get help for my wet and drippy garage? REALLY?

Okay, fine. I'll put in my zip code. This should get me to a screen where I can click to find out what number I should call or how to file a claim online, right?

Nope:


Just in case I couldn't figure out where I live the first time, they ask me A SECOND TIME.

Once I input the SAME zipcode again, it presents select options for me to click which county I reside in, as my zip apparently spans two counties.

I'm wet, I'm cranky, I'm panicked, and I am getting DHTML tricks tossed at me while I'm trying to find help. Did I also mention I'm what they call in the industry a "user interface engineer?" Believe it or not, I am. And with that, certain knowledge of how things should and should not work has just accumulated in my knoggin... And so, this has just become annoying on yet another hugely monumental level.

So, I input the SAME zipcode AGAIN. I select my county. And I get treated to rounded corners, gradients, gloss on buttons and reflective logos - and to top it all off, I get a picture of a faux-hawk wearing hipster fucktard mongoloid holding a manpurse:


I just...

I really can't... Like..

FUCK YOU ALLSTATE! SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU! If the usability problems weren't enough, and the DHTML AJAXY bullshit wasn't enough, and the gradients and the gloss and the design-trend-du-jour bullshit weren't enough, you had to go use Hiptard The Monumentally Useless as your model across half the goddamn page! I AM WET AND I AM IRATE AND I NEED HELP WITH MY EXPLODED PIPE IN MY GARAGE AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH A MODEST MOUSE FAN!

GAAAHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAFUCK YOU!





Also, I'm available to help you beat the people who work in what you undoubtedly call your "new media" department and actually build a decent, useful, USABLE site. Call me.

8.02.2007

My wife works at the Humane Society here in Atlanta.


Today, they got this cat in.




You KNOW I had to do this:


You're welcome.