7.03.2006

I think it's a rule now.

I don't know when it went into effect, and I'm not quite sure who decided on it - probably some sort of Coalition of Coffee Shop Owners or some such thing - but it has definitely become apparent that the only two albums that are officially allowed to play in any establishment which serves coffee as it's primary menu item are "A Love Supreme" by John Coltrane and "Kind of Blue" by Miles Davis.

Between Friday, June 30 and today, I have been in five seperate coffee shops (only one of which was a Starbucks, which is where I am right now) between Georgia and Florida, and I swear to God I have heard both of those records in their entirety at least 14 times each.

It's getting to the point where - and I really, really hate to say this - I'm beginning to despise them.

That's right - despise. I'm getting to the point of HATING two of the greatest records of all time simply because a bunch of hipster assholes have made them both manditory playing in their little upscale artsy caffeine dens (and one corporate coffee whorehouse).

I won't let it happen. I simply won't.

The next coffee shop I go to, I'm going to listen for those two records - and if they are playing, I'm going to personally leap behind the counter, rip out the CD, and replace it with a scratched copy of Slayer's "Show No Mercy" so as to audibly beat the holy hell out those ironc-thick-rimmed-glasses-wearing retard hipster bastards - and when I do, I'm going to point at them with my muscles flexed and say something completely corny, like "HERE'S SOME METAL UP YOUR ASS AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWYEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" and then steal a scone, because madness such as that makes me hungry.