Sometimes, I'm just plain mean.

Seriously. I'm wretched. Horrible. Spiteful and vindictive.

Take for example this conversation I had with a perfectly innocent and nice person, Rita. Rita apparently IM'ed me a long time ago and when she did, I added her to my buddy list (as I do with all random IM'ers) into a folder called Random. I was looking for a person I spoke with a few weeks ago to give them some info about the MI shirts I have available and saw a little cellphone icon next to poor Rita's name, indicating that she was logged into her IM client via her cell. So, I thought I'd just make it beep.


But then, she responded:
Rita: Stop! Each message costs of ten cents you know...

Now. A normal, nice person would have just stopped.

I am neither normal nor nice. Thus, the rest of this conversation.

joe: 40 cents
joe: 50 cents
joe: 60 cents
joe: 70 cents
joe: how about it... am i worth 80 cents to talk to?
joe: how about 90?
joe: or a dollar?
Rita: No.
Rita: But i can send 200 messages
joe: :(
joe: you hate me and that's sad.
Rita: Yeah. Dont worry im sure someone loves you
joe: oh, im sure too
joe: but you don't
joe: which is why i'm now costing you 1.60 to talk to
joe: actually, that was supposed to be 1.40, but i'll catch it up to 1.60 in a second
joe: there. now it's 1.60
Rita: Smeh
Rita: Not everyone loves you.
joe: a fact I know to be explicitly true, seeing as how i'm talking to someone who apparently doesn't
Rita: You cant please everyone
joe: well... I can. it's just that I don't feel like it
joe: I'd rather cost strangers 1.90 in mobile messaging
joe: it's more fun
Rita: No.
Rita: You couldn if you tried
joe: oh, i could if i tried, it's just that I'm trying something different now
joe: I'm trying to make it to $5.00 before you shut me off
joe: and now i'm only 3 messages from being halfway there
joe: 2 now
Rita: Besides, im very judgemental towards strangers that waste my money
joe: Hey, don't think of it as a waste...
joe: think of it as a lesson in how not to spend 2.50 wisely
Rita: Whaveter.
joe: was that on purpose, or a product of typing on a cellphone keypad?
Rita: Im sorry im much cooler then you
joe: cause if it was on purpose, i like it. "Whaveter..." im going to use that.
joe: but if it was an accident, i'm going to harangue you for the rest of eternity over the size of your thumbs
joe: and the fact that you've spent 2.90 talking to me
Rita: I know.In extremely clever.
joe: Three dollar smile --> :)
Rita: You must be jealous of my extremely cool personality
joe: not jealous... It's admirable, to be sure
Rita: :'(
joe: and I'm enjoying being in the company of it, at least for the time being
Rita: Yay! Im admirable!
joe: no
joe: your personality is
joe: you, however, are silly
Rita: Im in a meeting.
joe: oh? what kind of meeting?
Rita: Be right back
joe: not budget, i hope
joe: cause they're going to be mad at you for spending 3.90 talking to a guy on your cell phone IM
joe: well, 4.00 now
joe: just 90 cents short of his goal of wasting one of your Lincolns
Rita: Not budget. Fencing. Sh!
joe: a fencing meeting?
joe: like, to protect property or to... well, i guess both types of fencing could be used to protect property
Rita: No. The sport.
joe: and you have to admit, it's fun to be in the middle of your fencing meeting and people are like "Now, when you riposte, you should feignt and tete-a-tete with a slash stroke" while you're talking to a random dude on the net
joe: from your cellphone
Rita: No.
Rita: Its not a strategy meeting.
joe: oh...
joe: is it about a hostile takeover?
joe: are you guys going to rumble with some ninjas in a back alley behind Kroger's?
Rita: Im with the coach at [a college]
joe: Cause if you are, i have to warn you... They have those tiger claw thingies and can scale walls and stuff
joe: Oh, and by the way: $5.00!!!!!! I have reached my goal! I REIGN SUPREME!
joe: ok, i'll let you talk to your coach. good luck.
joe: let me know how it goes
joe: $5.30. Man, i'm such an overachiever.

Don't worry. Rita and I are still on good terms, and I'm sending her 5 bucks to cover my asshattery. I'm still a jerk, I'm just a jerk with a guilty conscious.