I have to say, one of the most disheartening things in the world is to grab out a can of Chicken Noodle soup (Healthy Choice brand) and see, in a huge red and yellow starburst call-out on the label, the words "Improved taste!"

This is not the sort of achievement you, as a food stuffs producer, should be proud of. "Our food used to suck, but now it sucks less!" isn't really the message I'd want to be screaming out through a bullhorn during a ticker tape parade in honor of your new soup line - and in case you didn't know it, that's what a red and yellow starburst callout is. It's a parade... only it's just a label on a soup can. But it's the closest you can come to having a parade on your soup can's label.

Personally, I think i'd try to get some sort of celebrity or spokesperson to eat your soup and wait for a positive comment. It doesn't even have to be anything extravagant... If I saw a soup can with a label boasting that Stephen Dorf tried the soup and said "Boy, this is tasty," I'd buy that soup. I mean, come on, it's STEPHEN FUCKING DORF, and he's saying this soup is tasty!

And the great thing is, the more notorious the celebrity, the less they really need to say! You can't tell me that if YOU saw a can of soup in a supermarket with a label stating that Dennis Hopper ate the soup and was quoted as saying, "Well, I didn't puke it out so violently that it poured through my nostrils and onto my pants," you wouldn't buy that soup! And man... OH MAN would I ever buy the soup that Christopher Walken said, "It tases like I hid it in my ass in a vietnamese POW camp." That's the soup for Joe, right there.

But "Improved taste?" Blah. That can goes directly into the Salvation Army Food Bank box next to the water cooler in the break room.