5.30.2005

Mike and I were out and about this afternoon, just kickin' it, you know? Keepin' it real? Bussin' it old school n' shit? Somewhere around 3pm, we got a little hungry.

Andrea had planned to meet us for dinner around 5:30, so we knew we couldn't go wild and eat a lot. We got to thinking of places that might serve an appropriately-sized snack, and from somewhere out of left field, I got this amazing craving for Burger King fries. Now, it has been a LONG time since I've been to a Burger King (or any other sort of fast food place, for that matter. Unless you count Subway as fast food). It'd been so long, in fact, that I'd forgotten a few things:

1) A new Star Wars movie is out.
2) Burger King is the exclusive licencee of Star Wars premium toys.

The SECOND we laid eyes on the toys, we knew we had to have them. We asked the guy behind the counter which toys were available. He produced a few figures - Obi Wan Kenobi (the Ewan McGregor version), a Jawa who's eyes lit up, and a Padme figure. We were rabid. "How long have they been out? Which others do you have? Do you have the older ones? How about the newer ones?" Etc. and so forth. The man explained that this series, which happened to be Week 3, was all they had at the moment, but other Burger Kings may have Week 4 or Week 2 figures laying around.

And then, it happened.

"Which week has Darth Vader in it?" I asked, lighting the short fuse on a massive bomb which went off with his answer.

"Oh, every week has it," he replied, "But there's only FIVE PER CASE."

Now, I don't know how many fanboys you might know, but if you know even ONE worth his salt, you know that mentioning in ANY way, shape or form that there's a limited number of something as cool as DARTH FRIGGIN' VADER in a case of toys will immediately set his collecter blood a-boilin'.

Thus launched...

VADERQUEST 2005!!!!!


We paid for our toys (a very modest $0.99 each!) and our food and sat down to discuss our plans. Clearly, we were going to have to go in search of this elusive Darth Vader / Anakin Skywalker double-sized action figure, and while we were at it, we should try to pick up every other figure in the set we don't have yet (which was all of them except for Week 3 - Padme, Obi Wan, Jawa, Pod Racer and Emperor Palpatine). The thing was, Mike and I can't just do things the normal way. No, we had to turn this into some sort of challenge. So, what better challenge than to stipulate that, in every Burger King we stopped in, we had to eat a menu item?

We knew this was going to take a while, so I called my wife at work to let her know what was going on.

"...And there's only FIVE PER CASE!!!" I said excitedly.

She sighed. "Okay, do what you gotta do," She replied, knowing this drill all too well. "I'll fix something at home."

Oh, don't feel TOO bad for her. We were probably going to just get Subway for dinner anyway.

So, very long story short, we went to 8 Burger Kings in search of Darth Vaders before we finally found one that had them. By the time we reached that Burger King, we had every figure from week 2 (R2-D2, X-Wing Fighter, Yoda, Chewbacca, Darth Maul), Week 3 (mentioned above), Week 4 (Jar Jar Binks, General Grevious, Princess Leia Organa, Boda [Lizard from Episode 3], Jedi Fighter), and even some from Week 5 (Clone Trooper, Wampa, C-3PO, Boba Fett and Darth Vader's Tie Fighter [Tie Interceptor] - this manager was a bad, bad man for releasing those early to us - but thank God he did, or else I'd have gone nuts). With the Darth Vaders in hand, we could now FINALLY go home.

Final Tally on food (for me... I don't even remember what Mike ate):

1 double wopper, 2 wopper jr's, 2 king size fries, 2 orders of chicken tenders, a fish sandwich, a vanilla milkshake and a cup of coffee.

It was fucking GROSS.

I mean, seriously, about halfway through the afternoon, I could feel the grease begin to ooze out of the pores in my face. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to wake up to 2 cheeks and a nose full of zits - and my body's going to feel like it's being dragged by a tractor when I attempt to run in the morning.

But we got our Vaders, so it was all worth it.