New story on Mentally Incontinent today. It's short, but not too bad.

Sadly, stories like this are not at all rare in my life. I can't tell you the number of things I've set on fire or the number of times I've been attacked savagely by insects. Or both.

When I was in Jr. High, I had an unfortunate incident involving football practice and a huge bed of ants, and ever since, i've been deathly allergic to them. So I made it my mission in life to eradicate THESE evil beings as well. I'd go and pour tons and tons of gasoline on ant hills, then set them on fire.

One day, there was a MASSIVE hill - probably 3 feet high, no joke. I emptied almost an entire 5 gallon can of gas (which back then was like 70 cents a gallon. These days, you could have paid a child's college tuition with that much gas) on this thing. I ran about 10 feet away, lit a match and tossed it on the mound. But here's the thing about that: Ant mounds are nearly 4 times as deep as they are high with MANY feet of cavernous tunnels carved through the earth. That mean there was about 12 feet of chambers in this thing, now filled with gasoline.

The second the match hit the mound, it was like a bomb going off. There was a crater in the earth the size of a human being - which means the air was now littered with dirt.

And ants.

I was COVERED. Stinky mud and ants from head to toe.

Naturally, I freaked out.