Don't you just hate it when you have been searching for something for YEARS to no avail, and then one day you are let in on a secret... only it's not a secret and hasn't been for years?

I am a big-time collector of hard-to-find music. I have spent untold fortunes to acquire various items for my collection, and one of the things I have utterly coveted is the Smashing Pumpkins "Mashed Potatoes" five-disc boxed set that Billy Corgan created for friends and family in early '94. This set contains nearly 6 hours of live, rare, demo and b-side recordings that I have been in search of for forever. I actually came very, very close to buying it at a CD show in 98. THe guy had an original set, not a copy, and wanted 450 for it. I spent nearly an hour talking him down to 300 and a trade, and when i pulled out my wallet, I had only 200 on me. He was FURIOUS, and needless to say, I didn't get it. I have spent every moment since then wishing with all my might that I had the capital, for I wanted that set. Badly.

Well, I told this story to a fellow Pumpkins fan yesterday, and she enlightened me to the glory and the splendor that is www.billy-corgan.com. On that site, Billy has placed the entire boxed set in MP3 format, ready to download, along with several other rare recordings.

I should have been overjoyed. I should have tossed my hands into the air and shouted "hosannah!" and "hallelujah!"

Instead, I was furious.

I couldn't BELIEVE that all this time the elusive Mashed Potatoes set had been so freely and easily available. Something I wanted this badly shouldn't have found it's way to me so easily! It was supposed to be harder to get than this! I worked too hard and worried too much for it to be so easy to get. IT's An ANTI CLIMAX TO THE Nth DEGREE! IT's the most disappointing victory I've ever experienced! Bittersweet and delightfully painful!

But at least I now have the the Pumpkins doing Godzilla live. And that's good.